


Are You Still Here?

by purplejohto



Category: Supernatural
Genre: :((( ? vibes, Kinda, M/M, anyway yeehaw enjoy!, cas finally not taking dean's shit woo, dkekcke not that that's important, don't expect plot from this lmao, from dean's pov, listen this is just a small 200-300 word drabble, uhh they're in the heaven waiting room incase you couldn't tell, unngghh angst? maybs just a teensy bit, yah !
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 18:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19323769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplejohto/pseuds/purplejohto
Summary: His shoulders were pressed against Cas', soaking in the comfort of his presence, telling his mind and body that despite his irredeemable mistakes, somehow, for some reason, he was still there. With him."I don't deserve you."





	Are You Still Here?

Cas had a very understandable reason to be mad. At Dean, at Sam, but that didn't make him feel any less fucked up, guilty, for the little bit of egocentricity of feeling like Cas _shouldn’t_ be mad at him. No, he deserved it. Yet, it still left a bad taste in his mouth.

As they waited in the white bland room, with Sam, fast asleep on the couch in front of them, the tiredness really began to set into Dean's bones. His shoulders were pressed against Cas', soaking in the comfort of his presence, telling his mind and body that despite his irredeemable mistakes, somehow, for some reason, he was still there. With him.

"I don't deserve you."

Silence resettled over the room as quickly as Dean's words had interrupted it. He didn't know what he expected from speaking impulsively but, the silent treatment? Ouch. And Dean couldn't even complain.

At least, Cas wasn't pulling away, looking at Dean with disgust and repulsion, like the low residing scum of the Earth he so deeply believed himself to be. After a few long moments, Dean's head had settled, drooping and heavy on Cas' shoulder. In an unfamiliar environment, he was hesitant to allow the weariness to pull him deeper and deeper into the realm of dreams. It was funny in a way, falling asleep on the shoulder of a person that means so much to you, yet once again, you had disappointed. Disappointing loved ones seemed to be a theme in his life. But at the same time, he was counting on Cas to defend him in the case of becoming helpless, unconscious, in a previously hostile environment. It _was_ funny, in a dry, dead way. A shame, feeling like he had trapped his best friend, —so disappointed in him, so angry, and rightfully so— to stay stuck with him, to stay stuck with a family he formerly believed in.

Cas' body was cursing-ly warm, lulling him and drawing out words he had unknowingly set on repeat.

"I don't deserve you." They tumbled off Dean's tongue before his weakening self-control got ahold of itself. His brain, inebriated with drowsiness, even lacked the energy to feel embarrassed by the repeat and transparently desperate words. Maybe he felt just a hint of genuine belief. And maybe it showed.

A deep rumble made its way through the padding of the rough trenchcoat against Dean’s cheek, pulling him back from his fading consciousness.

"You're right. You don't." Cas said.

Dean absorbed the reverberating words straight from Cas' bones, not that he knew what to say or how to feel about it. He really _didn't_ deserve Cas. He didn't know why Cas was still there. What Cas was thinking, was going through his head, to have him sit there, and support Dean in all of his fragility. Didn't know how and why Cas was still putting up with him despite all the shitty things he's done and all the shitty things he put the ex-soldier through.

"But,—” Dean hung on to the world around him with all his fading mental strength. He drowned in Cas' words and sounds, pulsating in the angel's chest.

“—I'm here anyway."

If Dean was completely awake, he would've taken a breath so sharp that the world would spin uncontrollably. But, he wasn't awake. Not really. If he _was_ awake, he would ponder what he did to deserve Cas; and even if he pondered forever, he doesn't think he will really ever know the answer.

 

**Author's Note:**

> comments mean the world to me!!!


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